Love letter
by kanista
Summary: Ren decides to confess- through a love letter, saying everything he wanted to but could never tell Kyoko face to face.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Hi everyone! This maybe a slightly overdone idea, but then I thought of everything that I wanted Ren to say, and this is what I came up with. **_

Dear Kyoko,

Sounds rather informal doesn't it? I wasted five pages trying to figure out the salutation alone. With me, its always been 'Mogami san' you see. Not 'Kyoko chan', not even just 'Kyoko'.

Please don't freak out over this. If you don't like it, I'll go back to calling you 'Mogami san' again. But today, just for once, in this letter, let me call you 'kyoko' and freely tell you all that I've wanted to tell you for a very long time…All I ask for is your patience to hear, or rather read me out till the end.

You're probably wondering why am I writng all this? Why not just talk to you? What can I possibly have to talk to you about that must be put down in written words?

My only answer, and defense, is this- I am a coward.

Yes, that's right. Japan's number one celebrity, your senior, is a coward. How, you ask?

Quite simple, really, seeing that I am afraid of what the future has in store for me. Whether _you_ will be there for me. It is this fear that prevented me from telling you what I am going to say for so long. I don't know if you have already guessed. The odds against that are a million to one. You are after all, quite dense! (No offense!)

Then again, that's one of the things I love about you. Your denseness, your innocence, your absolute cluelessness about my feelings..they can sometimes drive me up the wall and yet at the same time make me feel warm and inside. Simple because you're you! And I would never want that to change. I suppose it's pretty obvious what I have to say.

Just three simple words-I love you!

At last! I can almost hear Yashiro and the President say that! They'd kill me if they found out about my writing to you. After one year of scheming to get us together, they've been dying to hear me say "Kyoko, I love you", with their own ears.

And it's the truth! The whole freaking truth! I've loved you for nearly a year. Have you any idea what it's been like, knowing my feelings and not being able to tell them to the one person that matters?

I did it because I cared too much about having you heal from your past wounds. I wanted you to be happy and move on. And also, I didn't want to see the disgust and hatred in your eyes once you knew the truth about me. Remember how 'well' we got along when we met last year? We disliked each other quite a bit back then! And that is exactly the kind of situation I want to avoid. I can bear every burden in the universe you want me to, but not the greatest one of them all-your hatred for one burden that can crush me completely. Give me your love, your friendship, your respect, anything but your hatred, once you have read what I have to say.

Oh sure, I made my fair share of excuses. I was afraid of falling in love. Love was too good for me. _You_ were too good for me. You're a high school student..But my excuses were starting to run thin and I _nearly lost it completely_ when I caught you in my arms that night in my kitchen.

You have absolutely no idea how terrified I was when I saw you hanging from the kitchen cupboard that night! I knew then, I could no longer deny my feelings. L knew, I could never see you in danger without intervening, without leaving you alone. I wanted to keep you safe in my arms and protect you from anyone that tried to hurt you again.

Yes, I was stupidly, insanely, and head over heels in love with a girl who had completely sworn off love.

I often wondered whether I was lucky to have fallen for you. Sometimes, I cursed my 'misfortune'. Of all the girls in the world, I had to fall for the one girl who would never have me, or think of being with me! But everytime you smiled at me, praised me, looked up to me, trusted me, my mind would reel over how I could ever have thought something like that. I was and still am the luckiest man alive to have met an amazing woman like you!

Yes Kyoko, you are an amazing woman and it's no good your denying it.

Please. Don't have such a low opinion of yourself. Is it because of some stupid thing that Fuwa once said? I strongly advise you to say to yourself a hundred times-'I am the strongest, smartest ( maybe not entirely true! :P ), brightest, sexiest and most powerful actress to have entered the industry no matter what Sho Fuwa or anyone else thinks!'

Coming back to what I was saying….

So if I can write to you about confessing my love, why not say so face to face?

Well, one reason would be that I think this is a more romantic way of confessing. I can write truthfully every emotion that I feel connected to you. I can write things I normally wouldn't have the courage to tell you face to face. And if there's anyone who deserves a better idea about love, it's you Kyoko!

Second, which I suspect is the main reason, I am afraid to see the rejection in your eyes. I know. I am being cowardly. I should just face possible rejection like a man, and break down completely later on, drunk and all alone. Your rejection, your walking out of my life for good, your despising me for loving my Kouhai, would be my greatest loss-like it was for Fuwa.

Maybe I am wrong. You are after all too sweet and would probably just want to be friends. But I can never be sure with you. Especially after the way you've been distancing yourself from me did I do Kyoko? Have I done something to hurt you? I swear to you, it was completely non-intentional. If there is one thing I'd never do, it would be to hurt you.

And now, the truth about me. Maybe this is the one thing that will turn you against me. My horrible, murderous past. I debated with myself on this for hours. Should I tell you, or just leave you in the dark? Someone as pure and innocent as you deserves a better man than my true self. And I _am_ a better person than I once was. I could keep you happy, make you smile and give you all the love you deserve, yet were denied for years.

But if I can tell you about my love, I must tell you the whole truth. Something no one knows about me. Except you, once you have read this.

My real name is Kuon Hizuri, son of Shuhei and Julie Hizuri. They live in America. I used to live there too as a kid. We've met before, you and I in Kyoto-in a forest by a river. You would often come crying there about your mom, and I would do everything I could to comfort you.

Was it love back then? Or just concern for a friend? I still don't know..maybe I was too young to be in love..but those were some of the best days of my childhood. And then I returned home, after leaving you my blue stone to remember me by.

Home! Could it be called a home? Parents away for work, nothing going right with _my_ work! It was nothing short of hell! I got into fights, and beat up anyone who made fun of the Japanese blood in me. I turned ugly, and violent and twisted from inside and turned into the monster that still lies beneath me.

I had friends. Well, just one-Rick. He was the best friend a guy could ever have! Like a big brother you could always count on. He taught me to fight and defend myself against anyone who tried to pick on me. He even tried to help me in the romance department which was a miserable failure as I kept getting dumped by the girls he introduced me to. He even worried about my health and tried to get me to give up smoking-which I did, but not until it was too late.

But because of my stupidity, my uncontrollable rage, I lost my friend. I got into another fight one night and was chasing after this guy. Rick, was trying to stop me, to control me, but I was too angry to care, and next thing I knew, he was run over by a car.

I cannot describe how I felt. I felt like a murderer! There was blood everywhere! On the road, on rick's body, on me! I was trapped in a darkness from which there was no escape. Trapped in my head with Rick's body stuck in my brain. Trapped among horrible, bloodstained memories of my life so far…

I stayed locked in my room for days, refusing to eat or go to school. My acting career was in shambles. I got fired job after job. I had never felt so defeated, or so hopeless. I began to lose the will to live. I said things that frightened my parents. They worried about me and my sanity. They tried psychiatrists, counselors, but I refused to see them, and if I was forced to, refused to co-operate.

The person to save me from that darkness was the President. He gave me a stage, a new life, a new name and my acting career finally took off. I had everything I could wish for, until I met you.

It always comes back to you doesn't it? Kyoko-my love, my life, my universe, my goddess, my sweet little cuddly kouhai! You gave me what was missing from my life-love, happiness and a reconciliation with my parents. If this is love, I would never, ever want to let go off this wonder emotion. Because that would mean leaving you…

Who has your smile, your laughter, your beautiful golden eyes, your childlike innocence, your mania for eating healthy , your determination to achieve whatever you want and everything that defines you? I love you so much, it hurts! Love can be so beautiful and at the same time, so painful!

If someone hurts you, I'd go and kill them. If you cry, I would want to make you smile your beautiful, angelic smile. If you're in trouble, I'll always be there for you.

I want to cherish you, love you, tease you, kiss you, comfort you, run my hands through your hair, tickle you and protect you from anything that tries to harm you.

Love( You have no idea how happy it makes me to write that!), love,love,love

Ren.

_**A/N: thanks again for reading. I'm putting complete for this story, but I'll definitely write about Kyoko's response, if this works out okay!**_

_**Please review and let me know if I should include anything else in the letter. And let me know if you want Kyoko meeting ren face to face or letter.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone! I followed the majority and had a face to face meeting! **_

One year ago, I firmly resolved never to fall in love again. Never to fall into that awful death trap that turns people into mindless souls. When my heart was broken, I forgot everything else and focused on one goal-defeating Shotaro. I wanted to revel in the despair of the one who had snatched away all my happiness. I wanted him to come groveling at my feet, begging my pardon for having thrown me away so carelessly.

But life is not that simple. I made new friends and gradually began to lose sight of my goal. I started to fall in love with acting. My passion and interest in acting and everyone in my life helped my life gain a level of stability beyond my wildest imagination. I had a vague idea of my revenge plan, but I was too happy and busy to brood over that. Tsuruga san would have been proud to know that.

As my thoughts turned to Tsuruga –san, I was brought crashing back to the present. I glanced at the letter in my hand for the thousandth time. My first letter from Tsuruga san. My first love letter. A letter which confirmed my worst fears about that man. He was a danger to my heart. It has happened before. Not once, not twice, but many times now. It started with a simple kiss on the cheek. That was the trigger! After that, no matter how many locks I put in my heart, he easily blew them apart with a mere glance or a touch or a smile.

I didn't like the signs. I couldn't say for sure _what_ my feelings were. And the fact that I could not define what was in my own heart frightened me even more.

And then came the bombshell-this letter. Simple, honest, telling me straight from the heart how much he loved me. That's what freaked me out at first. Then I read the letter again. And again. And again. I wanted to cry and laugh with joy, but why, I still didn't know. Was I in love again? I couldn't say. There was a stubborn streak within me that rebelled against being honest with myself. I still had that tiny fear that this would not work out, though I knew in my heart that Tsuruga san would always cherish the girl he loved.

I read the letter again, warmth spreading within me, as I became more and more convinced about this fact. I sighed unhappily and began to pace the floor, frustration growing within me.

Why?! Why again? Why only me? I banged into the bedroom wall, lost in my thoughts. Rubbing my head in pain, I found the object of my frustration staring serenely back at me. I glared at Tsuruga san's poster for a moment and wanted to hate him for stirring up those long lost emotions within me. He didn't mean to do that of course, but that didn't make me less angrier.

On an impulse, I tore his poster from the wall, crumpled it and threw it into the trash. Maybe I thought it would clear up my thoughts, my dilemma…But I was wrong.

I stared at Sho's poster on the wall and an uncontrollable rage filled me. I savagely tore out Sho's poster , tore it into as many pieces I could, set a match to them, and for good measure, flushed the ashy remains down the toilet.

I took out Tsuruga san's poster out from the trash and smoothed it. _If his poster can't be there on the wall, then sho's has absolutely no place there either!_, I thought to myself fiercely.

I froze. _Did I just think that?!_, I wondered incredulously. I stared at the poster for a few seconds and made up my mind. I put the letter in my purse and went out.

…

I stood nervously in front of the door, half hoping he would not open it, that he was not at home. It was therefore a surprise to me, that I was relieved when he opened it.

"Kyoko?", he said my name a little hesitantly, taking me by surprise. For the first time, I noticed the way the corners of his mouth turned up and the way his eyes softened when they looked at me. Little details that I had observed, but which had never clicked. Tsuruga san was right. I _am_ dense.

I was so busy with my new found discovery, that I did not return his greeting. He misunderstood my silence. He took it as a refusal to acknowledge him close enough to be on a first name basis. As quickly as I saw his features light up with happiness, I saw them dull. With a sad smile on his lips, he invited me in.

"Come in Mogami san.", he said, opening the door for me to enter. I went inside, trying to ignore the heaviness in my heart when he called me 'Mogami san'. It sounded so distant and cold, that for a moment I considered running for it. Maybe he had written the letter as a joke. Maybe he had changed his mind. My thoughts were nonsense! I scolded myself that Tsuruga san would never be so cruel as to write a love letter as a joke.

We made our way to the drawing room in silence. I wondered what it would be like to be on a first name basis with Tsuruga san. I would call him..( I struggled for a moment).._Ren_! I blinked in surprise. _Ren,Ren,Renny,Ren_! It had a nice ring to it, I thought, smiling to myself. I wouldn't mind calling him Ren. I opened my mouth to say so as we sat down, but immediately clamped my mouth shut, my face red. I couldn't ask him something like that. I simply didn't have the guts! Then again, he was the one who wanted to call me Kyoko, and it would be rude to refuse.

I completely forgot the purpose of my visit and began a stupid, pointless debate about the first name basis issue in my head. Luckily, Ren, I mean, Tsuruga san interrupted my thoughts.

"So I take it you got my letter?", he asked , smiling his gentle smile.

_That smile should be banned_!, I thought blushing furiously. "Yes.", I muttered, not looking at him.

"I'm sorry, would you mind repeating that a bit louder?", he asked moving a bit closer. That freaked me out.

"YES!", I practically shouted, moving away a little and glaring at him. I regretted that immediately. If he turned into the Demon Lord, I could always run for it and come back when he had calmed down. But I could not handle the flash of anger, pain and sadness that finally settled on his face. I had hurt him!

"Tsuruga san,", I said a little hesitantly, reaching out to touch his face, anything to get that awful look off his face. He caught my hand quickly and gently set it down.

"Don't be sorry.", he tried to say causually, but I didn't miss the faint bitterness in his voice. "It's better than hearing a straight 'NO'. And I don't blame you for your decision."

"Mogami san,", he continued in a trembling , pleading voice that made me feel even more guilty, "Can't we at least be frien-"

"NO!", I screamed out wildly. He stared at me wide-eyed.

"Please,", I begged, "Call me anything you like. Call me Kyoko, Kyoko-chan..just don't look at me like that! Don't talk like we'll never meet again."

My eyes were shining with tears now. He stretched his hand as though to wipe them away. I closed my eyes and held his hand against my face, never wanting to let go. They were warm and loving and comforting all at the same time. And I loved the way he could provide so much comfort with just one touch. "Please..", I whispered, "Don't leave me."

"Why would I leave you?", he asked, sounding shocked. He stretched out his other hand and wrapped me in his strong embrace. Every emotion that I felt with his one touch increased manifold as I was in his arms. He was everywhere within me, loving me, comforting me and loving me all over again. I clung to him and finally let the tears flow.

"Kyoko?", he gently stroked my hair. I continued to sob as I realized that he had won. I had tried to fight him, and the emotions he aroused in me. I did everything I could, made every excuse I could think of, like him, anything not to fall in love again. And I had lost. I had been so blind not to realize my feelings before, and so stupid for having wanted to _stay_ that way.

All those months, all those moments, everything he had done for me, all were acts of love. But I had been too dense, as he put it, to realize it. And unknowingly, I had hurt him. Thanking him for his help, and always treating him like a senior, but never like a friend. Avoiding him when I thought he was dangerous for my heart.

My sobs gradually subsided and I finally pulled myself away and sat up straight. I was determined to say it no matter what. I was not going to hurt him anymore. I looked at him steadily, and gave him my answer.

"I love you Ren.", I said softly. I saw a smile start on his face. "And I think I've been in love with you for quite some time. I love everything about you-the way you make me laugh when I think I'll never be able to smile again, the way you scold me, take care of me and do everything to protect me. I took so long to realize it Ren, and like you I tried to deny my love."

I then did something that I would never have dared to do before. I stretched towards him, and gave him a kiss on his lips. He stared at me, happiness clearly etched on his handsome features. "Thank you Ren, for loving me , and teaching me to move on in life. I realize now that there are things worth living for, other than revenge..Thank you for saving me. And I'll always love you, no matter what happened in your past, or what might happen in the future…"

Ren smiled at me and pulled me into his embrace again. I squeaked with surprise when he genlt turned his face to kiss me. The kiss was beyond anything I had ever experienced. I gasped, pulling him closer, as he explored my mouth, gently, lovingly, arousing emotions and sensations totally foreign to me. I felt alive and happy to be in love once again. Love filled me with a happiness I had almost forgotten.

And only Ren can give me that happiness. Now and forever…

…

_**A/N: THANKS FOR READING EVERYONE! YOU KNOW THE BIGGEST JOKE ABOU THIS STORY, OR RATHER THIS CHAPTER IS THAT I CAN NEVER IMAGINE KYOKO REACTING LIKE THAT! **___

_**ANYWAY..ITS NICE TO TAKE THINGS INTO MY HANDS FOR ONCE! XD**_

_**Please review and let me know if you'd like me to spice it up, like tell me what you want me to add and I might edit it..**_

_**Thank you again!**_


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